Why do I rely so much on external validation?

Right from a very young age, we rely on external validation to help us determine if we are doing well in life. We look to our parents to congratulate us and say ‘well done’ or ‘good job’ after we do something well. We look for their praise when sharing our creations and for our grades in school.

Is seeking validation healthy?

Keep in mind that validation is not a bad thing in your life; it is affirming and positive. It only becomes problematic when it becomes the focus of all you do.

What does outside validation mean?

When others validate your feelings, this is known as external validation. Whether someone compliments you at work, comments on a picture you posted or shares gratitude with you, this is external validation. It’s allowing yourself to feel how you are feeling, without criticism.

Is wanting external validation bad?

It’s not inherently bad; in fact, we all begin life in a state of complete reliance on external validation. As children, we rely on it to learn appropriate behaviors. “Children who do what their parents say get a lot of benefits,” said psychotherapist Karen R. Koenig, LCSW/M.

Why do I need reassurance or validation?

If you find yourself needing reassuring presence or validation, it doesn’t mean you’re an insecure person; it simply means you’re human. It takes courage to reach out and ask for support when needed. You might start a conversation with something like, “I’m feeling a need for some reassurance (or support).

Are You overly reliant on external validation?

Perhaps counterintuitively, an unhealthy reliance on external validation is especially common among high achievers. Praised for their good grades or athletic performance; lauded for every endeavor and accomplishment.

How do you transform the external validation mental model?

The key to transforming the External Validation Mental Model is the recognition and acceptance that we have all been socialized to value ourselves through the eyes of other people and the understanding that we can learn to value ourselves. Think back to when you were a child. You only knew that you were okay if someone said, “You’re okay.”

Do you need self-validation?

Even the most secure people have moments of self-doubt, insecurity, and feeling overwhelmed. Whether you need a little or lots of validation, this is nothing to be ashamed of. Many of us didn’t receive reassurance growing up. We didn’t get the memo that we have worth and value—and that we’re OK just as we are.